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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Ride me like you stole me.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?