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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.