Daily Silly Status

My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)

I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.

If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity

Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."

Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.

Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.

I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.

Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.

Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!

Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.

I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers

Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.

Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.

Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !

Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.