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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.