Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That