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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
You had me at 0 mutual friends
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.