Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
May the bridges I burn light the way.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But Iām skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?