Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.