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Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.