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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.