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I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.