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I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.