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I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
Check this one out.........1
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...