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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.