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I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.