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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.