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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".