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By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
So much to do and so few alibis.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P