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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.