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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Walmart needs observation decks.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"