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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.