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I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.