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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you