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Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.