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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
The secret to success is in my bra.
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
drinks well with others.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.