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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
I saw that! - Karma
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.