Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Hell hath no fury like me when Iām slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.