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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.