Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99