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“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.