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Iām cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial