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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.