Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.