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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
I`m never free but I`m available.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.