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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.