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Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.