Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.