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I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)