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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.