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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.