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I put the o in illiterate!
More food should come with prizes inside it.
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......