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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.