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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.