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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"