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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels