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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?