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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.