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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
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Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”