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Happy people don`t take long showers.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.