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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down