Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.