Daily Silly Status

I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.

Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?

You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.

Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.

Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.

my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.

If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.

I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.

I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.

Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…

It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.

I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.

My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.