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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.