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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Match dot com, but for socks.
Iām the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
The only dates I get are updates.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok