Daily Silly Status

Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.

A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"

I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD

They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.

Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.

I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.

Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??

You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!

If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...

I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.

“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!

Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.

Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"

I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.