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Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.