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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.