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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
Is Nudeism a religion?
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.