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You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
High fiving was the original "like".
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands